normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
