ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
