So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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