Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
