I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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