I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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