You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
