She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
