don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
