I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
