Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
