they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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