his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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