dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
