found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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