I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
