yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
