i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
