sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
