Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
