you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
