he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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