i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
