there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
