I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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