sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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