I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
