I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
