I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
