Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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