Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
