never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
