The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
