My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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