yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
