Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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