I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
