I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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