Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
