just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
