I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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