im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
