so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
