Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
