The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
