Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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