he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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