Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
