I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
