His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
