Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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