i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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