yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
