got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
