fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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