Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
