I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
