Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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