his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
